With Nothing Left To Lose
by SkullFreak16
Summary: AU nonmagic. Harry Potter has lost so much already, will he learn to cope in a new town or will he be stuck in a worse position from when his new life began? Rated M for language [so far...]
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: i obviously own nothing that you recognize! **

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****Chapter 1**

"Harry? Harry are you home?"

Harry Potter looked up from his sketch book, "yeah, Remus, I'm in my room."

A minute later Harry heard a sharp tap on his bedroom door as it was pushed open, "hey, how are you?" Harry gave one of his father's best friends a look. "Okay, point taken, but seriously, are you alright?"

"Look, Remus, no offense, but I really don't want to talk about it."

Remus sighed and took a seat on Harry's bed, "I know you don't want to, but you'll have to eventually. We're all coping, but we're worried about you."

"Whoa, 'we'? Who's 'we'?"

"Me and Sirius." Harry said nothing, only returned to drawing. "Harry, please don't shut us out. We loved them, too. You can't keep ignoring the fact that they're gone."

Harry's grip on his pencil tightened considerably, "don't you think I know that? I know they're never coming back! My parents are dead! I know that! A stupid fucking drunk driver killed my parents! My mom and dad are dead and they're not coming back! I don't fucking need you rubbing it in by constantly reminding me of that fact!"

"Harry, I'm sorry, I really am, but you need to talk to us."

Harry shook his head, "no, I don't. _You_ need me to talk to you. I'm not trying to shut you and Sirius out, you're the only family I have left now, but I need to deal in my own way. Please, just trust me to handle things myself."

"This is hard for all of us, and I'm sorry for not realizing that you need space, but can you blame me? Lily and James have been my very best friends since high school. I know that it has to be just as hard, if not harder, for you. Sirius and I have done some talking, and we think it best that we move. Live somewhere that doesn't have constant reminders of our loss at every turn. You do have a say in this, Harry, all you have to do is say no, and we'll stay."

Harry lifted his eyes from the spot he'd been staring at on his paper, "I don't want to stay. Everyone here keeps saying how such an awful thing happened," silent tears rolled down Harry's cheek. "I can't take it anymore, Remus, I couldn't even bring myself to go to their funeral. Wherever you and Sirius decide to move I'm in."

Remus moved over to Harry and pulled him into a hug, burying Harry's face in his strong chest. "Shh. It's okay, it's going to be okay," Remus whispered soothingly as Harry started to sob. Harry clung to Remus' lithe form until exhaustion clouded his weary mind. Remus shifted Harry from his desk chair onto his bed before exiting the teen's room.

Remus found Sirius in the kitchen, having just returned from work, and sat down heavily in one of the chairs, "I feel so bad for him, Sirius. I don't know how to help him, anything I say just seems inadequate."

Sirius regarded his friend with sorrow-filled eyes, "I know. The best things for him right now are our support and a change of scenery."

"I just hate how he keeps everything all bottled up. It makes it that much harder when the dam breaks."

Sirius nodded, finally understanding, "he's a teenage boy who just lost both of his parents and his guardians know nothing about discipline, or raising a teenager. Cut him some slack."

"You're right, I know, but that doesn't make it any easier to see him break down like that."

"I'm not saying it does. For now though, let's just focus on finding a new place in a new town."

Remus nodded, "do you have any ideas?"

Sirius grinned, "not one."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Harry gazed at his new home. They had moved several hours away where no one knew of his parents. Sighing he walked up the drive way, some of his art supplies in a pack slung over his shoulder. He wandered around the house in search of the perfect room for him. The house was two stories and placed in the middle of a mountain. It was surrounded by woods, which Harry made a mental note to explore at a later date. The money his parents had left him had made it easy to not only purchase the lavish house, but for Sirius, Remus, and himself to have a comfortable lifestyle. Harry bypassed the first and second floors in favor of the attic both Sirius and Remus had said was the room for him. Finally getting to the top of the staircase, Harry saw they were right. There was enough light for him to draw, and access to the roof for the nights he wished to gaze up at the stars. Remus had the foresight to furnish the room for him and Harry dropped his bag onto his bed and collapsed next to it.

"So, do you like it?" Remus wandered into the room.

Harry picked his head up, "yeah, I do. Thanks."

"Good, I'm glad. Sirius and I are ordering food for dinner, is there anything in particular you want?"

Harry shook his head, "no. Whatever you guys want is fine with me."

Remus nodded and backed out of the room. Harry sighed. He stood to better examine his new room. Walking around he noticed he had an attached bathroom and a medium sized closet. Harry pulled some of his drawings out of his bag and started to tack them up on the walls. Just as he was starting to see a hint of personality beginning to show Sirius knocked on his door.

"Hey, bud, dinner's here. Coming down?"

"Yeah."

Harry gave one last glance around his room before following Sirius down to the kitchen. Remus was busy setting the food out. Harry shuffled over to the counter, reached around Remus and snagged a piece of chicken from the carton, he loved Chinese food. Remus batted good-naturedly at his hand. "You're plate's almost ready, can't you wait?"

Harry laughed, "not when Chinese food is involved."

Together the three of them sat down to eat their first meal of their new lives. Harry, suddenly feeling mischievous, flung a noodle at Sirius. He laughed as it landed square in the middle of Sirius' face. Remus failingly tried to cover up his laughter as Sirius angrily swiped the noodle away. Sirius glared at both Harry and Remus. Harry noticed the glint in his eye too late and soon had a spoonful of rice in his jet-black hair. His eyes went wide.

"Sirius!" Harry whined. "Why my hair?"

Sirius shrugged, "you started it."

"That doesn't mean you had to throw rice into my hair! It's going to take forever to get out," Harry pouted.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. I'm sure Remus will help you out, Drama Queen."

Remus smiled, "don't tease, Sirius. Leave the poor kid alone. Harry I'll help you out after dinner."

"Thanks, Remus," Harry sniffled.

After dinner Remus and Harry sat in his bathroom while Remus slowly picked the rice out of his hair. To make sure that Harry's hair was rice free, Remus ran his hands through it. Harry leaned into the gesture, remembering times when his mother used to do the very same thing when he was upset. A rush of memories flooded Harry's senses. He could still smell his mother's perfume and his father's cologne as if they were standing right beside him. Harry felt the prickle of tears behind his eyes and angrily batted them away. Remus, taking notice of both Harry's teary reminiscing and comfort, continued to run his fingers through the unruly black locks that Harry was so proud of.

"Are you okay, Harry?"

"I'm fine, Remus. It's just, it still hurts to know I'll never see them again. I never got to say goodbye. It isn't fair that I had my family ripped away from because of one idiot!"

"I know, Harry, I know. It'll get better in time, the pain will eventually lessen, it won't go away completely, but it will diminish slightly. You do know that Sirius and I are always here for you, right?"

Harry nodded, "I know. Thanks, Remus. That means a lot."

Remus gave Harry a brief hug before leaving him to his shower. Harry let the warm water run over back, soothing his tired and aching muscles. He shampooed his hair and let the suds run over his body. Harry leaned up against the wall, and hung his head. Dealing with his parent's deaths was harder than anything he had ever had to endure. The whole thing had taken its toll on him, but the next day he started at his new school and could reinvent himself without all the tragedies. Climbing out of the tub Harry wrapped a towel around his waist and entered his bedroom. He dried off and pulled on his favorite flannel pajama bottoms and went to say goodnight to Sirius and Remus.

After a couple quick hugs Harry headed back to his room and threw himself down onto his bed. It wasn't long before the tears came. Harry was used to this routine by now. Shower, say goodnight, and cry himself to sleep. His body shook with sobs as he allowed himself a few moments to mourn the loss of the two people he would never see again, but would always be reminded of. Harry brought a hand up to his forehead where the lightning bolt shaped scar resided. The wound had long since healed and only white scar tissue remained. Harry hated how every time he looked in the mirror he was forced to relive the fact that he had been the only one to survive the crash that had killed his parents. Pulling the blanket up to his shoulders Harry turned over and succumbed to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Here are your maps and class schedule, welcome to Hogwarts Mr. Potter."

Harry looked up from the pieces of paper the principal had handed him, "thanks."

"Any questions you may have, don't hesitate to ask."

"I think I'm okay, Professor Dumbledore."

"Okay. First period is about to begin, I suggest you hurry if you want to make it on time."

Harry nodded and left the office. He walked through the halls trying to weave in between people who were obviously much more adept at the task than he was. Looking down at his map, trying to figure out where he was in relation to where his first class was, Harry didn't notice the blonde standing only inches in front of him until it was too late. Harry crashed into the boy sending them both crashing to the ground. He watched in dismay as everything he'd been holding flew out of his hands to mix with the blonde's.

"Watch where you're fucking walking!"

"Sorry, I didn't see you."

The blonde sneered, "obviously, if you had we wouldn't be sitting on the fucking floor right now."

Harry blushed as he got to his feet and offered the blonde his hand, "right, sorry."

The blonde scowled at his hand before taking it. Together they separated their belongings, the blonde noticing Harry's schedule in the process, "so, you're new, huh?"

"Yeah. First day. Guess I'm not making such a good impression, huh?"

The blonde chuckled, "it's alright. I thought you were one of those stupid freshmen; you're barely taller than they are. They still can't tell their way around, even though school's been in session for a month." He looked down at the slip of paper again, "AP classes?"

Harry's blush deepened, if that was even possible at this point, "mm-hm. Just your average geek."

The blonde looked him up and down, "definitely _not_ the average geek. Besides, I'm in the AP track as well, we have the same schedule. Hogwarts doesn't have many over-achievers. Come on, I'll show you where to go. I'm Draco Malfoy, by the way."

"I'm Harry Potter."

"Yeah," Draco said holding up Harry's schedule, "I know." Draco glanced at his watch, "fuck, the bell's about to ring and we've got to get across campus. Up for a run?"

Harry shrugged, "I don't have a choice, do I?"

"No, not really. Come on."

The pair set off at a run. Harry followed Draco as well as marked where they were and what route they were taking. They stumbled into the classroom a millisecond before the final bell rang. The teacher did not look amused. Harry wearily approached him as Draco strutted off to his seat in the back of the room. He handed over his schedule and the teacher practically growled at him.

"Class, we have a new student apparently. This is Harry Potter. Now tell us, Mr. Potter, where you transferred from so we can get on with our lesson for the day."

Harry raised an eyebrow, but did as he was told, "I transferred from Durmstrang, sir."

"Ah, a very prestigious school, why did you move?"

"Not to be rude, sir, but that's really none of your business."

"Take the empty seat next to Mr. Malfoy."

Harry moved away from him and grinned. He sat down in the only empty seat next to Draco and placed his notebook on the desk. Draco looked over at him with an impressed look on his face, "no one talks to Snape like that. I'm surprised you got away with it, although I'm sure you're on his list now."

Harry shrugged, "oh well. I don't really care."

"Mr. Potter, please keep refrain from talking in my class, I do not appreciate having to talk over you. Save the socializing for lunch."

Draco looked pointedly at Harry, "what'd I say?"

Harry rolled his eyes and focused on the brutal chemistry lesson, or what _would_ have been a brutal lesson had Harry not already learned it before his transfer. He completed the assignment given to them with twenty minutes of class left to spare, so he pulled out his sketch book and continued on his current work in progress. Harry became so absorbed in his drawing his didn't notice Professor Snape come up behind him. He snatched the book away from Harry and smiled triumphantly at the teen.

"Mr. Potter, I must request you save your little drawings for art class and not chemistry. I gave you an assignment and I do not appreciate you blatantly ignoring it. Stay after class."

"Excuse me Professor, but I haven't done anything wrong. I did not ignore your assignment, but finished it."

"Impossible."

Harry pulled out the work, "not quite. It's all here, have a look if you don't believe me."

"That assignment should have taken you more than ten minutes, Mr. Potter, especially for someone just coming into my class."

"Like you said earlier, Durmstrang is a very prestigious school. Do you think they would allow their professors to teach at such a lax pace? No, Professor Snape, they do not. I have already learned the material you taught in class today a week ago, therefore the assignment was relatively easy and was not hard to finish at a faster rate than you expected. I see no reason for my staying after class because I am not in the wrong; you however have taken my personal property without first questioning me. I would like my book back, if you don't mind."

Professor Snape threw the book down onto the table, "get out of my class, Mr. Potter. Your insubordination will not be tolerated."

Harry shrugged and stood up, "am I to go to the Headmaster's office then?"

"I don't care where you go, just get out of my sight."

Harry strode out of the classroom and decided to use the extra time to locate his next class. He managed to find the room in the next building over without much trouble and decided to sit in the sun until the time he actually needed to be inside for his lesson. Ten minutes later students filed out of the classrooms and Harry found Draco standing in front of him with his arm extended. Harry grasped the arm and pulled himself off the ground. Draco shook his head at him slightly with a grin tugging at his lips. They walked into history early and Harry handed his schedule to Professor Binns, getting a much warmer greeting from the old man than he had from Snape. Harry once again took his seat next to Draco.

"Man, you are daring. Snape was livid after you left. Damn near burst a vein in his overly large forehead."

Harry grinned, "I'm surprised you could find his forehead under all that greasy hair. It's not my fault he's teaching something I already know."

The rest of the day passed uneventfully for Harry and he was thankful when lunch came around. Draco called him over to his table after he'd gotten his lunch. Harry picked his way through the overly crowded cafeteria to the table in the back. "Hey, Draco."

"Harry, meet some of my friends. This is Pansy, Blaise, Ron, his sister Ginny, and Hermione."

"Hey," Harry said shyly.

Draco's jaw dropped for a second, "don't tell me you're getting shy _now._ This, the guy who had no trouble telling Snape off, is intimidated by my friends?"

"Shut up, Draco, leave the poor boy alone. Hi Harry, I'm Hermione; it's a pleasure to meet you. Which house did you move into?"

"Um, I think the real-estate agent called it Godric's Hollow, or something like that."

"Your family bought Godric's Hollow?"

Harry nodded, "yeah. Me, Sirius, and Remus."

"What are they gay and you're their adopted love child?" the red head called Ron asked.

Harry was startled, "what? No. They're my guardians. Friends of my parents'."

"Ronald, could you possibly have any less tact?" Hermione chided, the red head shrugged. "So, Harry, why do you live with them?"

Harry looked down, "I really don't want to talk about it. Excuse me guys."

The group watched in silence as Harry hurried away. Draco groaned at his friends' stupidity and followed after him. Harry had already reached the quad in the middle of the campus when Draco caught up with him, "Harry, wait! Where are you going?"

"Home," Harry answered over his shoulder, "I don't have any more classes anyway, why should I stay?"

They were now in the parking lot and Harry was winding through the rows of cars until he came to his black Honda Accord, with Draco right behind him, "come on, Harry, they didn't mean anything by it. Just come back to lunch."

"No," Harry unlocked his car, and Draco took his chance and climbed in the passenger's seat, "get out, Draco."

"No, I can't do that. Not until you tell me what's up."

Harry glared at him, "you don't know me, Draco. Just get the hell out of my car."

"No, I _want_ to get to know you, don't shut me out before you've given me a chance."

"Why? Why are you so set on getting to know me? Huh? What do you get out of it?"

Draco looked Harry in the eye, hurt that Harry would think so low of him without getting to know him, "nothing. I'm just trying to be a nice guy. It doesn't happen often, either. I'm not nice to a lot of people, that guy you ran into this morning, _that's_ who I am. I don't play nice to new people."

"Then why bother with me?"

Draco blushed, the red standing out brightly against his pale face, "I don't know."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Harry pulled into his driveway and glanced over at Draco. He was staring in awe up at the house. Raising an amused eyebrow, Harry climbed from the car and retrieved his bag from the back seat. Draco, finally snapping to attention, followed suit. Inside Harry and Draco found Remus in the kitchen making himself lunch. Harry opened the fridge and removed two sodas and tossed one to Draco, who deftly caught it. Remus turned around and surveyed the two boys.

"Hello, Harry. Home a bit early aren't you?" Harry only shrugged. "Care to tell me why?"

"Too many questions that hit too close to home. I didn't feel like answering them."

"What kinds of questions?"

"Nothing of importance Remus. I'd like you to meet Draco Malfoy; he sort of followed me home."

Remus shook Draco's outstretched hand, "what do you mean he followed you home?"

"Long story, I'll fill you in later." Harry sniffed the air, "what are you making?"

"Pizza."

"Your famous homemade pizza? You were going to make it when I wasn't home?"

Remus laughed, "I was going to save you some, but now that you're here we might as well sit down and eat it together. Sirius will be home soon anyway."

Harry nodded and walked out of the kitchen, gesturing for Draco to follow him. He made his way up to his room and dumped his bag on the bed after removing his sketch book. Harry placed his beloved book on his desk in the corner and sat down heavily in the chair. He put his head in his hands, seemingly forgetting that Draco was present. Running his long fingers through his tangled black hair, Harry sighed. He looked up to see Draco watching him with guarded eyes.

"Care to explain why you flipped out now?"

"Not really."

"Why not?"

Harry shrugged, "I'm just not ready to share that with anyone yet. I'm still struggling to get used to things here. I don't want, or need, pity from anyone. The reason we moved here is a big one, I still have trouble accepting it."

Draco nodded, letting the subject drop for the time being. He wandered around Harry's sterile looking bedroom, "I guess you haven't really had time to add personality to your room yet."

"No, not really. I've just been trying to adjust. I will though, you should've seen my old room. Now that room had personality, not like this one, although I'm sure I can do some great paintings on the walls and stuff."

"You paint?"

Harry nodded, "yeah. I'm kind of a self-taught artist. I've been drawing since I was a kid and the painting and what not is all fairly recent, mostly from the last couple of years."

Draco paused in front of one of the partially finished drawings on Harry's wall, "You did these? They're really good."

"Thanks. These aren't even a quarter of all of my work, most of it is in storage. Sirius and Remus needed the space when they moved in with me. Maybe I'll set up one of the extra rooms as a studio or something."

"Sirius and Remus didn't always live with you?"

Harry shook his head, "no, they were always around though. They're family even if we're not related by blood. They were my parents' closest friends when they were in school."

Draco nodded, but before he could respond Sirius stuck his head through the doorway, "hey, champ, Remus says the pizza's ready. Are you two hungry?"

"Yeah. Sirius, Draco, Draco, Sirius."

The introductions were exchanged as the three of them made their way down to the kitchen where the aroma of Remus' pizza was strong. They all sat down to eat in silence, Harry only picking at his food after realizing that this had been his parents' last meal. Fighting tears, Harry hurriedly excused himself from the table. Draco, Remus, and Sirius were all left to stare bewilderedly at the doorway. Sirius turned to Remus.

"Remus, what set him off this time?"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

Sirius shrugged, "I don't have a-" Sirius stopped talking as thought popped into his head. He glanced at the pizza. "Remus, when was the last time you made your pizza?"

"Oh, I don't know. Not for at least a… month. Oh, no! Fuck. I didn't even realize."

"No, but Harry sure did. Do you want to go after him or should I?"

Draco looked between the pair, "what are you guys talking about?"

"Harry didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

Remus sighed, "the reason we moved here."

Draco shook his head, "no."

"Then I don't think it's my place to tell you. Harry will let you know in his own time," he looked at Sirius, "I'll go, Siri. It is my fault after all."

Remus stood and left the room in search of Harry. He found the saddened teen curled up in a ball on his bed. Remus sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled Harry into his arms. Harry clutched him, desperately needing the comfort. Remus whispered soothing words into Harry's ear as the boy sobbed. "Why did it have to be them? What did they do to deserve that? What did _I_ do to deserve that? Oh, God, Remus, I miss them so much!"

"Shh, I know Harry, I know. Shh. Just let it all out."

Harry sniffed, "I want my parents back. You and Sirius are great, but you're not them. I never said goodbye, I couldn't even tell them that I loved them one last time! I hate knowing that I was the only one to survive while they _died_! They're dead and gone; I'll never see them again!"

Remus held Harry tight to his chest. An overwhelming sense of sorrow washed over him. Yes, he, too, was mourning the loss of Lily and James, but he knew Harry's grief was ten times stronger than his own. Harry had lost his parents at a crucial age. Remus would never know what it was like to lose both of your parents at seventeen. He couldn't even imagine how torn up Harry was inside. Seeing his best friends' previously strong son break down in his arms was ripping his heart out. After several minutes Harry had calmed himself down enough to rejoin Sirius and Draco at the kitchen table, but he wouldn't even look at his food; instead he shoved his plate away violently. Harry slouched in his seat and the other three present could make out silent tears running down Harry's cheeks.

Draco laid his hand on Harry's shoulder in a comforting gesture and gave it a gentle squeeze before moving his hand back to his lap. Harry looked over at him and gave him a watery smile of thanks. Draco smiled slightly back at Harry, but couldn't stand to see the bright green eyes shimmering with tears. He hated it when people cried, he never knew what to do, and therefore, he lost his sense of control in a given situation. Although Draco had to admit that he'd lost control the second Harry had run into him that morning. He would always be a slave to his preferences. Yes, Draco Malfoy was bi, and he was a sucker for green eyes. Harry didn't know it yet, but he already had Draco wrapped around his finger. Draco wondered just how long it would take Harry to see that for himself.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The next morning Harry found himself sitting in chemistry class once again. He avoided Draco's gaze as much as possible. Harry Potter was never one to show weakness; especially not to someone he just met. Harry knew that had the situation been different he could have allowed himself to explore his options with the blonde-haired beauty he'd run into only twenty-four hours ago. He sighed to himself; the main reason he missed his parents so much was because of their loving acceptance, as he knew not everyone was so nice to people like him. Harry had been the focal point for several crude jokes since he had decided to come out. His parents, of course, had said that they loved him no matter what and that they would always be there for him. Harry laughed bitterly as he thought of just how untrue that was.

Professor Snape continued to talk in a monotone as Harry instinctively wrote down the notes on the lesson he was paying so little attention to. His brain seemed to subconsciously tell his hand what to write down, even though Harry was absorbing none of it; his mind was elsewhere. At the sound of the bell ringing, Harry was startled into finally bringing his mind back to school. He drifted through the day in somewhat of a trance. Harry spent his lunch period drawing underneath a tree, neglecting his body's need for nourishment. When it finally came time to go home Harry realized that he had not spoken to Draco once and couldn't remember seeing him since chemistry. Harry simply shrugged his shoulders and continued his journey home.

"Remus? Are you here?"

Harry heard shuffling coming from upstairs, "yes, Harry, upstairs."

"I figured as much," Harry mumbled to himself as he made his way up the stairs. He looked for Remus first in his room and was shocked to find the room empty. "Where are you?"

Harry heard Remus chuckle, "down the hall." Harry followed the sound of Remus' voice to a room at the end of the hallway. "Hello Harry. Have a good day at school?"

"I suppose. I don't really remember it. I was in one of my moods. I got the notes and everything, but the rest is all a blur. I don't even remember what the lessons were on. What are you doing in here anyway?"

"Oh, I was just looking around. Now that we have a bigger house I wanted to move your artwork out of storage and I was looking for the right room. I wanted to give you enough space to store your paintings and also have a studio. Think this room will do? It's one of the biggest."

Harry glanced about the room, "this should work. It looks good and it has great lighting, and an awesome view. Since it's Friday, can I start working on my room?"

"What do you mean?" Remus looked puzzled.

"It's too boring. The walls are bare. It needs something to, at the very least, lighten the mood up a bit. I feel very uninspired in that room as of now."

Remus laughed, "sure, Harry. It's your room after all."

"Thanks. Do you know which box all of my paints and stuff was in?"

"Uh, no I don't. Why don't you just buy the new supplies you've been wanting for a while?"

"I don't know. I suppose I could, but most of it is really expensive."

"Harry, don't worry about that. If you want it then go get it."

Harry looked hopeful, "really? You wouldn't mind?"

"No. You've had that stuff for ages and you take care of it. Now go. Dinner's at six. Do not be late."

Harry hugged Remus and left. He couldn't wait to check out the art supplies in the store he'd spotted the day they had moved in. He'd refrained from even allowing himself to think about it, but Remus had insisted. It was true, he took care of his things, even though they were out dated. Harry pulled into a parking space outside the small store ten minutes later and wasted no time in getting inside. He browsed the aisles for a while, getting a feel for what merchandise they had in stock. He immediately fell in love with the quaint little shop, it was cozy. Not paying attention to his surroundings, Harry bumped into the store clerk.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Harry. No harm done. At least you didn't knock me over this time."

Harry blushed, "I didn't know you worked here, Draco."

Draco shrugged, "my mother asked a friend of hers if she needed any help at the store, so here I am, working at Estelle's Art Supplies. The hours are good and the pay's not bad. Plus, if you're as into art as you say you are, I'll see you often. Not many cute guys come in. It's mostly ugly chicks."

Harry's blush deepened at Draco's off-hand compliment, "right. So, um, what would you recommend?"

"We only carry a few brands and they're all basically owned by the same one or two companies so the quality is pretty much the same. Some people prefer one brand to another. It's all about what you want to create."

"Well I'm going to start on my room this weekend. My stuff was packed and we don't know which box it's in, so I need all new stuff."

"Ah, you make this too easy. I'll gather what you need for that project while you look around for other supplies not related to that."

"Okay, thanks."

"No problem. If you need any help this weekend let me know."

Harry smiled, "actually that sounds like a great idea. Although I have to warn you I like to start early and accomplish a lot in my day."

Draco returned Harry's smile, "okay then. I'll be there tomorrow morning at seven."

Draco was true to his word and rang the door bell promptly at seven. Harry, who had had a fitful night's sleep, had overslept, and, therefore, answered the door with his hair disheveled and in only his flannel pajama bottoms. "Morning, Draco," Harry said with a yawn.

Draco chuckled, "not a morning person?"

"Overslept. Sorry 'bout that. I'm usually up at five daily. I was just about to make coffee, would you like some?"

Draco pulled a face, "no thanks. I'm not one for coffee."

"How about some tea then? I'm sure we have some, Remus is addicted to it."

"Sure, tea would be great."

Harry ambled into the kitchen with Draco in tow. Draco sat in a chair while Harry bumbled around making their coffee and tea. Draco smiled appreciatively at Harry's toned, tan back. He loved the way the muscles rippled as Harry moved about. Draco could have sworn he was drooling, Harry looked like he had just been thoroughly fucked. Draco blushed as he thought of Harry writhing in pleasure underneath him while calling out his name. He jumped slightly when Harry placed a mug filled with hot tea in front of him with a quiet _thunk_.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. Are you alright? Your eyes are all glazed over."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking."

"Hm. What about?"

"How you look completely fuckable right now."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Harry blushed furiously, "I-I um. W-"

Draco smiled, "you shouldn't stutter, Harry, it's unbecoming. What? Haven't you ever heard a compliment before?"

Harry shrugged, "well, yeah, sure, but none that blatant before. No guy has ever told me, in no uncertain terms, that I look fuckable."

"Guy?"

Harry drop his gaze, "yeah. Guys."

"Why are you ashamed?"

"I don't know. Most people aren't very accepting of homosexuality."

Draco stood and walked around the table to kneel next to Harry, "well, I can't judge. I go both ways."

Harry looked up and locked eyes with Draco, "what is this?"

"I'd like to think that this is me making a move on you."

Harry lightly shook his head, sorrow etched into his handsome face, "I can't, Draco, I'm sorry. I'm not ready. I've lost so much already, I just need time. If I let myself get too close to you I know I'll fall in love with you. You're that guy that could make anyone fall in love in only days if you wanted. My emotions can't handle something that big yet. I'm still trying to come to grips with everything else. Don't get me wrong, I do like you, but I'm just not ready for a relationship just yet."

"I understand, Harry. I won't rush you, but why don't you explain things to me? You can trust me."

"Well, you see, I live with Sirius and Remus because, well, because a month before we moved here I was in a car accident. That's where I got the scar on my forehead. It was late and it was raining, we were headed home from our weekly late night movie. Um, we were just turning onto the highway when a drunk driver hit us head on. I was sitting in the backseat. The drunk driver was taken to the hospital, but he didn't make it through the night. I woke up a day later, I was home, but something wasn't right and I wasn't sure why, acute amnesia, I think the doctors had called it. I hadn't been too banged up and therefore I was only routinely examined and sent home."

"Who was in the front seat?" Draco asked softly, concern clearly visible in his stormy gray eyes.

Harry took a deep, shuddering breath and wiped the tears from his face, "my parents."

"They didn't make it, did they?"

"No, they were killed instantly. The impact crushed the front of the car, there was no chance of survival."

Harry began to sob and Draco pulled him tight against his chest. He held Harry close and whispered soothingly into his ear. Harry's story broke Draco's heart, he didn't deserve to have his family ripped away from him. Harry was too good of a person. Draco wasn't sure he'd ever understand why Harry had been given the short end of things. Draco slowly pulled away from Harry and looked the teary eyed teenager in the eye, "I have an idea. Go get dressed in a T-shirt and jeans. Do you have a leather jacket?"

Harry nodded, "yeah, I do. It was my dad's."

"Good. Now hurry up and get dressed."

Harry gave Draco a questioning look, but did as he was told anyway. Fifteen minutes later Harry was back in the kitchen. He followed Draco out of the house and onto the front porch. Draco walked a slight ways down the driveway and stopped by a black Ducati. He untied the extra helmet and tossed it to Harry, who caught it with a stunned expression. Draco smirked and pulled his own helmet on before throwing his leg over the bike in one smooth motion. Harry hesitated slightly before catching the amused grin on Draco's face. Draco quickly started the bike, flipped the visor on his helmet down, and waited for Harry to climb on behind him.

Harry yanked his own helmet on, sliding the visor down, before he maneuvered himself onto the bike, sliding into place pressed against Draco's back. Harry shamelessly wrapped his arms around Draco's waist as Draco sped off. Harry watched the town fly past him as Draco weaved in and out of traffic. Before long Harry started to relax against Draco; melting into him as their bodies molded to one another. Draco smirked to himself as he felt Harry inch even closer to him. He drove in aimless circles, just wanting Harry to relax and take the time to forget about his trials. Draco felt free as he effortlessly handled the bike he'd had for a year. Nothing could beat the wind slapping at him as he whipped through turns and rode along the winding paths of the nearby mountains. Sometime later Draco and Harry found themselves back at Harry's house.

"Wow, Draco, that was amazing."

Draco nodded, "yeah. I love my bike, I love the feeling of being at one with it, you know? I feel so free and alive." Harry yawned widely and Draco caught a glimpse of something he'd missed earlier. "What's that, Potter?"

Harry blushed slightly, "what?"

"Don't play stupid. In your mouth."

"Nothing."

Draco looked at him, "right. If I didn't know any better I'd say you've got your tongue pierced."

Harry nodded, "yeah, I uh, got it like a year ago."

Draco growled, "sexy. I'm a pretty observant person, how come I never noticed it before now?"

"Maybe because I've had a retainer in up until last night. I wanted to make a good impression at Hogwarts. But I guess after realizing I'd already made enemies with the chem teacher I figured it didn't really matter," Harry answered with a shrug.

"Lemme see." Harry obediently stuck out his tongue, and Draco smirked, "what's this? It says 'Fuck You' as well? Nice Potter, never expected that one from you."

Harry grinned, "oh? And why not? Certainly I don't look that innocent. I have a ton of these tongues rings. This is just one of my favorites."

"What do the other ones say?"

"Come on upstairs and I'll show you."

Harry headed upstairs with Draco in tow. Harry looked through box after box until he found the case that held his numerous tongue rings. He slowly opened the case and handed it over for Draco to look through. Harry watched on in amusement as Draco rifled through the contents of the case. He held up a slim cork-screw nose ring and smirked.

"A nose piercing as well?"

Harry grinned and shrugged, "my parents were cool. Not to mention Sirius owns a piercing salon, which he's currently in the process of relocating here. Actually, my mom was the one that begged me to get my nose done, she wanted to see if it hurt."

Draco looked highly amused, "and did it?"

"Not really. I've felt worse. It was no worse than getting some of the other piercings I've had."

"You've had more? How many have you had?"

"A fair few. Sirius was always looking for a test dummy, and he knew I was always willing. Mom and dad never really cared."

"Where?"

Harry blushed, "um nowhere special. Ears, tongue, nose, nipples, eyebrow, septum, and lip."

Draco's jaw dropped, "what did you say?"

"Lip?"

"Before that."

"Ears?"

"After that."

Harry sighed, "fine, nipples. I had my nipples pierced. Happy now?"

Draco laughed, "oh that's great. Why don't you have any jewelry in your piercings?"

"Like I said, I wanted to make a good impression at Hogwarts."

"So, put them back in. You said yourself it doesn't really matter anymore. Come on, put them back in!" Harry had to laugh at Draco's enthusiasm.

"Most of them closed."

"Which ones?"

"All except for the tongue and nipples."

Draco grinned, "good. The two I love most. Now, run along and got put the jewelry in. Go. Go."

Harry ginned and laughed at Draco's childishness. He selected a plastic bag from the case and headed to the bathroom, much to Draco's disappointment. He pulled off his shirt and slid the jewelry through the piercings. Harry smiled fondly as he remembered his parents constantly begging him to get this piercing or that piercing, and God forbid Draco ever found out, tattoos. He missed them terribly, but this was one way he felt close to them. He had the memories of all their fun times hanging out at Sirius' with at least one of them getting a piercing or tattoo. Sighing Harry walked back into the bedroom that was currently holding the unpacked boxes.

Draco clapped with glee, Harry was stunned. Draco forced him to parade around the room for fifteen minutes. "Draaaaco," Harry whined. "Can I stop now?"

"No, you look positively delicious."

"How about I take you to get your own piercing? Hm? That way you can dance around in front of a mirror or something and leave poor me alone."

"You'd do that? But my parents would never sign for it. They're way too uptight."

"As long as they don't sue Sirius, I'm sure he'll do it for you."

"Seriously? That'd be awesome."

Harry chuckled as Draco tackled him to the ground. He let out a small _oof_ as he hit the floor. "Thanks, Draco, I needed to get reacquainted with the hard floor."

"Any time," Draco chuckled.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Harry smirked at Draco. After a few phone calls, Harry had driven Draco out to see Sirius in his car, he didn't think Sirius would approve of the motorcycle. Draco was currently bouncing around, debating which piercing to get while looking at the tattoos Sirius had just recently started expanding into. Harry chuckled at Draco as the blonde suddenly tripped over his own two feet and fell face first onto the couch. Harry held out his hand.

"Here, let me help," Draco sheepishly took the offered hand, "start with something small. How about your ear? That way you'll get a piercing and your parents won't really freak out on you."

Draco nodded, "yeah, okay."

Draco headed off to the back room with Sirius while Harry took a seat on the couch. He leaned back and rested his head against the armrest. Harry took a deep breath and closed his eyes, taking in the familiarity of the studio. He had practically grown up there, the setting was a comforting one to Harry. Letting his mind wander, Harry drifted into a light sleep. Sometime later he felt himself being shaken awake. Harry groaned and turned over, not wanting to end the dream of his parents still alive.

"Harry, Harry, come on, it's time to go."

Harry swatted at Draco, "go away."

Draco chuckled and lifted Harry into his arms after unclipping the keys from his belt, "I'll get him home, Sirius."

"Thanks Draco."

"No, thank you. I guess we'll see you when you get home."

Sirius nodded and Draco headed out the door with Harry in his arms. Draco gazed down at the dark-haired boy nestled against his chest. Somehow all of it felt right. To his friends, minus Harry, his life was perfect; his father was a local business mogul and his mother was a famous artist, all in all he lived a pretty lavish lifestyle. Most of the kids at school saw him as a spoiled rich kid. What they didn't know was that the material possessions were a replacement for his parents. Draco had spent the majority of his childhood being raised by this nanny or that nanny because his parents couldn't be bothered. He placed Harry into the front seat of his car before climbing into the driver's seat. Draco ran a pale hand through his platinum blonde hair and sighed. How would Harry take the news of his wealthy family? He hadn't exactly been open about that.

The drive back to Harry's house was quiet and uneventful as Harry slept the whole way. Draco took the time to contemplate how to introduce Harry to his real life and not the one he ran around pretending to live. Draco almost cringed at the realization that he would have to tell Harry no matter what. He'd never before felt the need to be so utterly honest with anyone. Harry did something to him and he wasn't sure he liked the feeling very much. Draco was pulled out of his musings when the very being he was obsessing about groaned and shifted slightly next to him; Harry was waking up. Draco pulled into Harry's driveway just as the dark-haired boy's eyes fluttered open. He looked at Draco as if wondering where they were.

"Sorry, hope you don't mind I drove your car, but you didn't want to wake up. Have a nice nap?"

"What? Yeah. How'd you get me into the car?"

Draco chuckled, "please, Harry, it wasn't all that hard. Like I said when we first met, you're barley taller than a freshman and you're tiny as anything. Don't you eat?"

Harry blushed, "of course I eat, juts not a lot. I haven't been all that hungry lately, I never had much of an appetite anyways. Drove my mom crazy, she was always forcing a home cooked meal down my throat. I guess I just forget to eat."

"How do you forget to eat? Harry, you'll get sick. You can't just neglect your body's needs."

"That's what my mother used to say, and it wouldn't be the first time I've gotten sick from lack of nutrition," Harry shrugged, "it's no big deal."

Draco stared in shock as Harry climbed out of the car. He pulled the keys out of the ignition and followed Harry into the house. Something about the situation didn't sit too well. What wasn't Harry telling him? He found Harry in the kitchen sipping from a bottle of water. Draco just stared at him waiting for him to continue. Harry, obviously, was not in a talkative mood. Taking a deep breath for strength, Draco moved closer to Harry, intent on not letting the subject drop.

"Plan on filling me in on that little tidbit of information, Harry?"

Harry shrugged again, "nothing to tell."

"No? I beg to differ."

"You've known me for two days, Draco, don't pretend to know me. I don't want to talk about it, so just drop it. I may be small, but don't screw with me."

Draco glared at Harry, "oh, I think I know you better than you think. You're the guy who hides behind the façade of being happy with who you are. You're life is screwed up, so what? Who's isn't? I've had my share of bad luck too."

"Oh yeah? What, did daddy not take over the company he wanted? Mommy not sell a painting? Or is it just that you didn't get the shiny new bike you wanted for Christmas? Don't look so surprised. I'm invisible, people talk. I know all about your mansion on the other side of town. Tell me, how hard is it when your parents are still alive and you have enough money to buy whatever you please?"

"Next time you want to start shooting your mouth off do your homework. My dad's been God knows where for the past two years trying to 'broaden his empire'. My mom hired nannies to raise me because she couldn't be bothered with it herself, she locks herself in her studio for weeks, months even. All of my material possessions were to keep me quiet and out of the way. I'm nothing to them but an heir to everything. That they expect to me marry fresh out of high school and have a male child, but only one. At least you had parents that loved you for seventeen years. Yes, mine may still be alive, but they don't love me, and they never will."

Harry snorted, "that's right, play the wounded, never been loved rich boy. My best bet is that you've gotten everything you've wanted since you could talk. Don't preach to me about how your life sucks, okay? Just leave me alone."

"Go ahead, push the only friend you have in this place away because you are too wrapped up in being as morose as you can be. I know you lost your parents, but I think they'd want you to be happy. Grow up, Harry, this 'poor me' shit you're pulling is going to get old. Yes, my childhood may seem perfect, but a lot was missing; new flash Harry, it made me who I am today, and I don't think I turned out half bad."

Harry sighed and turned his back on Draco. He stared out into the yard through the window above the sink. The argument was stupid and childish, Harry was well aware of that. Taking a deep breath for confidence, Harry decided to let Draco in.

"About a year ago, I had fallen into a depression. My parents tried everything to get me back to normal, but nothing worked. No one knew why it had happened, all they knew was that it did. I couldn't even explain it. It got bad, really bad, I stopped eating and I never slept. I would lock myself in my room for days on end. Finally, after me not having come out of my room for a week, my dad broke the door down. I had collapsed. I was weak, dehydrated and thin, skin and bones. They rushed me to the hospital. I was there for almost three months."

"Why didn't you go see a psychiatrist?"

Harry gave a vicious bark of laughter, "I did. She prescribed medication, too, but I didn't take them. I didn't see the point. Nothing mattered to me back then, once I was released from the hospital my parents set up weekly movie nights. It was something they thought would cheer me up, and it did. Then we got into a car accident and died. They didn't deserve that, it's all my fault, I killed them. If I had just taken my meds it never would have happened."

Draco walked up behind Harry and wrapped his arms around Harry's waist, "no, Harry, it wasn't your fault. You couldn't help it, you were sick. Don't blame yourself for what happened. Your parents wanted what was best for you, they wanted to see you get better. Don't you think you are throwing everything they did for you in the garbage by falling back into a depression? They wouldn't want this for you Harry. You need to be strong for them. Don't let their efforts go to waste."

Harry turned in Draco's arms and looked up at him. He felt a tear run down his cheek as he rested his head against Draco's chest. Draco lightly ran his hand through Harry's hair and kissed the top of his head. Harry clung to Draco as if he were his last lifeline in a flood, the only thing keeping him afloat. He looked back up at Draco with tears swimming in his eyes. Draco knew he shouldn't, but he lowered his face to Harry's anyway. He captured Harry's lips with his own in a soft and tender kiss. Harry's lips were pliant beneath his own and begged for more. Draco ran his tongue against Harry's bottom lip, seeking entranced, and Harry obligingly parted his lips, allowing Draco to plunge his tongue into the depths of Harry's mouth. Harry moaned as Draco's tongue came into contact with his own. Harry let the kiss go on for a moment before pulling away. He shot Draco and apologetic look.

"Draco, I'm-"

"Shh, Harry, it's okay. I understand, but know that when you're ready, I'll be here."

Harry watched as Draco untangled himself and walked out the side door of the kitchen. He listened intently as Draco's bike started up and sped away. Harry slid down the cabinets to the floor. He curled himself into a ball and hugged his knees to his chest as he sobbed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Remus returned home an hour later to find Harry still on the floor with tear stained cheeks. He hurried over to Harry and pulled him into his arms. Harry snuggled into Remus' chest and smiled. Harry pulled away after a few minutes and looked Remus in the eye.

"I'm okay, Remus."

"You were on the floor crying."

Harry shrugged, "yeah, but I feel better now. I needed to unload to someone and have a good cry. It's okay, I'm fine."

Remus looked skeptical, "are you sure you're okay?"

"Well, I'm not okay, yet, but I am getting there. I just needed someone to knock some sense into me. I know you and Sirius have tried, but I needed someone who wouldn't use kid gloves."

"I don't know, Harry, this is just so sudden. I don't understand."

Harry suddenly felt a burst of anger, but forced himself to quell the fire burning inside himself, "look, I'm trying. I don't know why you're so skeptical. Just accept things as they are, Remus."

Remus pulled back as if he had been slapped, "fine, Harry. Go do homework or something, dinner's in an hour. Be at the table on time or not at all."

Harry got to his feet and stormed out of the room. Remus just didn't understand, he never did. Harry climbed up the several staircases to his room. He turned his radio on and blasted his Senses Fail CD, one he knew Remus hated. Harry could almost hear Remus cursing his choice of music. Harry grinned coldly and readjusted the volume, raising it further. He wanted to ensure that he got under Remus' skin. Harry tapped out the beat of his favorite song on his thighs and began to sing along.

_"__Half smoked cigarettes and you're the trash that infests my sheets__."_

Harry could faintly hear Remus shouting at him to turn the music down. Harry merely grinned.

_"__C__an't make a wife out of a whore, don't want your skin on me."_

Sirius was now banging on his door.

_"And you're, you're addicted to the drug of lust."_

"Harry! Turn that shit off!"

"Leave me alone, Siri!"

"Harry, open the door. What happened between you and Remus?"

Harry sighed, "I don't want to talk about it. Just leave me alone."

Harry shut the music off, "come on, Harry. Talk to me."

"I don't feel like it. I'm going out," Harry said as he pulled open his bedroom door.

He pulled a black hoodie on over his head. Harry strode down the stairs and into the kitchen. He didn't pause as he grabbed his keys off the counter and continued out the door. Harry got into his car and drove away. He needed out of this town, he needed to clear his mind. He turned on a CD and continued to drive along the roads to a familiar town. Harry needed to be somewhere he knew would take his pain away in the only way he knew possible; by forcing him to forget and move on.

Harry pulled into the parking lot of one of his favorite parks. The sun had long since set and he was greeted with a welcomed darkness. Harry sat on one of the swings and gently rocked himself forward and back. He breathed in the cool night air and let his mind wander. Lost in his thoughts, Harry didn't notice the approach of another person until they were standing directly in front on him. Harry nearly jumped out of his skin until recognition washed over him.

"Gabe."

"Harry, baby, what are you doing here? I thought you up and left."

Harry was thankful for the darkness as he felt his face flush, "yeah, I did. I only moved like an hour and a half away, though. I didn't fall off the face of the earth."

"You could have fooled me. I leave for a two week workshop, and when I get back you aren't here."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen that way. I tried calling, but your phone was out of service. I wanted to say good-bye."

Gabe just looked at him, "good-bye? You're acting like it was over between us when you left. If I remember correctly we were still very much an item. Do you know what it's like to go away and not have the person you care deeply for not there anymore? It hurt, Harry."

"Gabe, I'm sorry. So, _so_ sorry. You know how hard it's been for me. I'd lost so much, I didn't think, I just needed out. It was so hard being around the very town my parents grew up in. Hell, some of my teachers were their best friends. I just couldn't deal. The last thing I wanted was to slip into oblivion again."

"Harry, we were together for almost three years. I know you inside and out. I would have been there for you. I _am_ here for you. It just sucks that you had to get away from me. I've missed you."

Harry let a silent tear run down his face, "I've missed you, too. I need you, Gabe, you make me feel like everything is perfect."

Gabe closed the distance between their bodies and crashed his lips onto Harry's. The smaller boy moaned and eagerly responded. Their kissed was a passionate reunion that left both boys breathless. When they pulled apart Harry stared into the bright blue eyes of his first and only lover. Gabe was a year older, much taller, built like an athlete thanks to his football career, and had the softest brown hair Harry had ever felt. Harry hungrily gulped in air as his chest heaved. Gabe ran a hand lovingly through Harry's tangled black locks. Harry leaned into the familiar touch. He whimpered when Gabe put distance between their bodies. Gabe held out his hand and waited for Harry to take it and pull himself into a standing position. Together they walked hand in hand to Harry's car.

"Take me to see this new town of yours, babe," Gabe said softly as they climbed into the car.

Harry nodded before starting the car and retracing his route back to his house. Gabe whistled in appreciation as they pulled into the driveway. He smiled at Harry, love obvious in his gaze. Harry took a deep breath for courage and climbed out of his car and headed into the house with Gabe following only a step behind. Sirius and Remus were having a heated debate in the kitchen about Harry's behavior. It was only when Harry heard a familiar voice did he stop.

"No, Sirius, he was alone when I left him. He said he needed time, which I promised to give to him."

"I found him on the floor crying, Draco. And then he said he was fine and got all defensive when I questioned him."

"Remus, I think Harry is hurting more than he lets on. I know he must miss Lily and James, but he insists on hiding his feelings."

"I know, Siri. I've tried, you know I have. I just don't know what to do anymore."

Harry felt Gabe's arm encircle his waist and urge him forward. Holding in his tears Harry walked into the kitchen with his head held high. He leaned on Gabe for support as three heads swiveled in his direction. Three pairs of eyes pinned him with accusatory stares, Draco's especially. Harry wanted to scream as Draco snorted disgustedly before walking out the back door, letting it slam behind him. He pulled himself out of Gabe's embrace and followed Draco outside.

"Draco, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Potter. I get it, alright. Just leave me alone and go back to your boyfriend."

The tears started to flow freely as Draco jumped on his bike and sped out of the driveway. Harry collapsed to his knees as his only true friend, aside from Gabe, drove away. He started to fight the person picking him up off the ground. Harry kicked and screamed incoherently, he struggled wildly. He paid no mind to the soothing whispers, he just wanted to get away. When the arms wrapped around him, holding him tight to a strong chest, Harry lost it. He screamed and sobbed even louder. Harry struggled more and tried to throw the person off of him.

"Get the fuck away from me! Let me go!"

"Harry," came Gabe's harsh voice, "Harry stop it! Stop it! Harry!"

Harry continued to fight. He felt a sharp pain in his right arm and his movements became sluggish. His thoughts felt like mush as the drug forced him into calm. Harry's legs gave out under him and he was lifted into Gabe's arms. Gabe carried him all the way up to his room and laid him down on his bed. He brushed the hair out of Harry's face in a loving gesture. His eyes were a stormy blue and filled with concern.

"Harry, baby, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think it's time you got help. This isn't healthy and it's slowly killing you. I won't let that happen again. I was foolish the first time, I won't be that way again. I love you too much to let this sickness consume you. You are stronger than this, Harry. Fight it."

And with that Gabe left the room, allowing Harry to drift off into sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The next morning Harry found himself waking up in new surroundings. He moved to wipe his face free from hair when he found he couldn't move his arm. Panic set in as Harry worked to move any of his limbs. _No, no, no, no!_ Harry's mind screamed. He hated being tied down, it brought back memories of being in the car crash. Harry started to flail and sob uncontrollably. He wanted to be free and he wanted it now. Harry fought and tugged at his bonds until the doctor rushed in ten minutes later. Harry stopped moving and just glared at him, tears still running down his face.

"Harry, you're awake. I'm Dr. Benson. Do you know where you are?"

Harry remained stony-faced and silent.

The doctor nodded, "okay. You're at Luther's Medical Center. We specialize in the mentally ill. Your family is very concerned, Harry. Would you like to see them?"

Harry only snarled at the doctor.

"Come, now, Harry, I only wish to be your friend. This isn't a bad place. Many young people, such as yourself, leave this hospital back to normal and happy every day. Don't you want to get better?"

Harry merely tugged at his bonds viciously, desperately trying to get free.

"Harry, I think you know as well as I do that I cannot untie you. You have proven to be violent and a possible threat to yourself and others around you. The bonds will remain in place. Now, how about I let in your guardians, hm? Would you like that?"

Harry glared as the doctor didn't bother to wait for an answer as he hurried out of the room. Fifteen minutes later Sirius and Remus entered the room. Harry's scowl deepened. Remus almost flinched at the black look he was receiving from Harry, Sirius actually did. Neither had seen Harry that angry before. Sirius took the seat next to Harry's bed and grasped his hand. Harry didn't squeeze back or react. Remus moved forward to brush the hair from his eyes, but Harry jerked his head away from Remus' hand. This time Remus did flinch. Harry pick a spot on the wall and concentrated on trying to burn a hole through it.

"Harry, we're sorry, but we love you too much to let you keep suffering. We want to see you better," Sirius started out softly. "We're scared for you."

Remus took his turn, "I know you must hate us right now, but you need to see that this is for the best. You're ill, Harry. Please get better so you can come home."

Harry shut his eyes, intent on ignoring both of them. He didn't open his eyes again until he heard the door click closed behind Remus and Sirius once visiting hours were over. He continued to stare at the wall as the nurses and doctors all entered at various points in the hour. When Harry saw the sun start to sink he closed his eyes once again and let sleep wash over his weary soul. He made a promise to himself to fight the bastards at every turn. They would not break him. Sleep came in fitful intervals and around midnight the distinct sounds of the nurses moving someone else into the room rang clear. Harry sighed and hardened his resolve even more.

"Where the fuck am I?!" Harry was jolted awake. "What the fuck is going on? Let me out!"

Harry shifted his gaze to his new roommate. He was currently fighting his bonds in much the same way Harry had only twenty-four hours prior. There was only one difference between the two, he was screaming his head off, while Harry chose the silent route. Harry scowled in dislike, it was obvious to anyone that they weren't getting out any time soon and anytime that was spent screaming to be let go was a waste. Harry wanted nothing more than to smack the kid. The red head continued to scream, never once taking notice of Harry, until the doctors came in, looking highly pissed.

"Stop your screaming Evan. You know as well as I do that you will not get out of here with that attitude."

Evan snarled, "bite me, asshole. Let me the fuck go!"

Dr. Benson shook his head, "I can't do that. You are no new comer to this institution. Now quiet down, you have a roommate to think about."

The doctor spun on his heel and left as Evan turned his gaze to Harry, "what'd you get put in here for?" Harry's silence continued, "ah, you're taking the silent treatment approach, huh? I tried that my first time in, too, they'll just work twice as hard to crack you. If you talk at least you can just spout off bullshit. They'll believe anything here. I'm Evan Guvera."

Harry turned his head away from his obnoxious roommate, he would not make friends in this hell hole. Evan chuckled at Harry's actions. He knew from experience the nurses would break him in no time, which was why he chose the screaming and shouting method now. He felt bad for the kid, he couldn't have been anymore then seventeen. He would allow him his wishful thinking for now, but he would not allow it forever.

When the nurses came in with their morning meds Harry refused to open his mouth. He clenched his jaw and turned his head away from the annoyingly persistent nurse. Evan chuckled lightly and followed his instructions like a good little patient. He watched as his roommate's nurse finally gave up and stormed out of the room. When he was positive they were alone he spit his pills out from under his tongue and buried them in the blankets, he would hide them better when they released his arms.

"You know, if you don't take the pills willingly they'll just hook you up to an IV and then you really won't have a choice. At least you can always spit them out if you hold them under your tongue."

Harry just glared at Evan. After an hour of silence Harry was taken to his first session with the psychiatrist. He bit his tongue as he stared at the beautiful young woman in front of him.

"Hello, Harry. I'm Dr. Emma White, but you can just call me Emma. Would you like to know why you are here?" At Harry's expressionless face she pushed on, "your guardians are very worried about you. They don't think you're coping with your parents' deaths very well. Medical records show this isn't your first time in a facility like this one. Maybe it's time you let us help you, for real this time. Only good can come from this Harry, but you have to talk to me. I need to know what's going on in your head right now."

Harry thought for a minute, "you want to know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that you're a fucking bitch who picks at people's brains for the fun of it. Leave me the fuck alone and don't expect me to spill my guts to you either. Fuck off, _Emma_."

"Harry," Emma scolded, "I hardly think that's appropriate."

"Why not?" Harry shrugged, " you _did_ ask what I was thinking."

"I believe that's enough for today. I'll see you tomorrow."

Harry stood up and waited to be escorted back to his room, where he was promptly tied back up. Harry snarled at the guard's back as he left. Evan wasn't in his bed, he must have had some type of therapy. Harry was thankful for the quiet and chance to be alone. Much to Harry's dismay it did not last long. Evan returned to the room twenty minutes later. He looked at Harry as he was tied back to his bed. Once the guard had left for the second time Evan whistled long and loud.

"Damn, I heard you really stuck it to the new bitch. I also heard she refuses to see you as a patient any more. Apparently you're going to see the guy who's been here for years. I hear he's a real hard ass. Rips the girls addicted to sex and what not apart. Man, I'd love to get locked in a room with one of them, wouldn't you?"

Harry just stared at Evan for a minute, "no, I wouldn't."

Evan's eyes opened wide in surprise, "holy hell, man, you can talk. Well, why the hell not?"

"Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm gay."

Evan nodded, "ah, I see. Do you have a boyfriend?"

Harry thought for a moment, "I, uh, I don't know. I can't remember."

"What do you mean, you can't remember?" Evan asked with confusion in his voice.

"Well, I guess it's a side effect of the accident. It's really hard for me to remember anything from before that time. I guess it's possible."

Evan looked at Harry with sympathy, "ouch, that sucks. What's you name anyway?"

"Harry Potter."

"So, you really can't remember?"

Harry shook his head, "I don't know. I kind of can. Like, I remember this guy Gabe. He was there last night when I had my freak out, I think we were together. When I spoke to him I knew things. He made me remember."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"I, uh, I don't know. Then there's this guy, Draco, I really like him. I think I broke up with Gabe before I moved, but he said we were still together. I don't know what to believe anymore. All I'm sure of is that I don't want to be with him, I want to be with Draco."

"So, tell him that."

"I can't, he's mad at me because he saw me with Gabe. I'm just so confused."

Evan nodded in sympathy, "I get it, man. Look, just talk to the therapist tomorrow, it'll help. This guy will actually listen to you. That's my opinion, but it's up to you. You don't belong here, you've just been dealt a shitty hand."

Harry observed Evan for a minute, "thanks. I'll remember that."

Harry yawned and Evan chuckled, "go to sleep, kid. You're worn out. A good night's sleep will do you good."

Harry smiled a lopsided grin and closed his eyes. Sleep overcame him in an instant.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **i know, its a short chapter. its just a filler while i figure out where this is going to go. please dont hate me. ill update as soon as i can!**

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**Chapter 10**

Harry woke the next morning to the doctor prodding his shoulder. He promptly glared at him , even through his half asleep state. The doctor just shook his head and told Harry to open his mouth for his meds. Harry clenched his jaw and refused to open. The doctor tried to coax him into taking the pills for twenty minutes. Harry could tell he was quickly getting fed up with being patient. After one last attempt the doctor slammed the small cup filled with pills onto Harry's bedside table.

"You will take these pills today or so help me, God. I will not tolerate this attitude. Now, open your mouth, Harry."

Harry's only movement was to narrow his eyes. The doctor took a deep, calming breath before proceeding. He pinched Harry's nose closed and waited for the tightly sealed lips to part, if only slightly. Harry would not let this guy beat him. He knew how to hold his breath for long periods of time, a weird skill he'd acquired when he was a kid. He was grateful for it now. Dr. Benson couldn't believe how strong Harry's will was. He placed one hand on Harry's lower jaw and tugged.

Harry growled low in his throat as his jaw was pried apart. He felt the pills being shoved in his mouth. Before the doctor could get the water into his mouth Harry spit the pills out. Most landed on the floor by the doctor's feet. Harry was pleased to see that Dr. Benson was officially pissed off. He spun on his heel and stalked out of the room. Harry whipped his head around when he heard Evan clapping.

"Nice, kid. No one goes against Benson like that. I'm surprised he just gave up. However, I have no doubt you will now have your meds through IV. It's usually what he does for uncooperative patients."

Harry grunted, but didn't say anything. He was about to let it out that After Evan had fallen asleep he had managed to wiggled the IV needle out of his arm.

"Man, you are so screwed. Benson isn't going to be Mr. Nice Guy anymore. You'd better watch out for yourself, kid."

Dr. Benson entered the room again, this time with a needle, he poked the needle through the IV bag and emptied its contents into it. Harry smiled in satisfaction. Evan noticed his expression, but didn't say anything while the doctor was there. Dr. Benson remained in the room, waiting for the drugs to take effect. When nothing happened, he was pissed off, not to mention confused. The doctor double checked everything. When he got to the arm the IV was supposed to be in he paused.

"How the hell did you managed that, Mr. Potter. We can't have that now, can we? I think it's time for a change in how we administer your medication."

Evan was shocked. He didn't know of anyone else that had been able to detach their IVs. Harry still looked smug. The doctor once again exited the room.

"Wow, kid, how'd you do that? Those things are impossible to remove! No one's been able to do it. I guess they aren't going to be able to break you as easily as I thought."

"I'm not going down without a damn good fight. I don't care if it takes everything I've got. I've been through this once before and they basically ripped me to shreds. Not this time. I won't allow it."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

It had been two weeks since the IV incident took place. Harry had been given all of his medication via injection. Dr. Benson had long since stopped playing games with Harry. He was no longer the guy that had tried to be Harry's friend in the beginning. Another thing that frustrated the staff was Harry would only speak to Evan when the two were alone. In his therapy sessions he just stared at the guy, he'd told Harry to call him Sam. Harry wasn't buying into any of it. He knew the only thing they wanted was to pick him apart and leave him as an empty shell with only a façade of happiness.

Evan didn't understand why Harry was fighting so hard. Nothing seemed to faze him. No matter how hard the staff pushed, Harry pushed back just as hard. There was a light in Harry's eyes that refused to go out, the spark of defiance, as Evan had started to call it.

"Kid, why are you fighting this so hard?"

"I won't let them take my soul. Bastards like these guys did that once already. I swore to myself it would never happen again. If I let them break me, I'm nothing."

Evan sighed, "you're not nothing, kid. You are the strongest person I know, I couldn't even last as long as you."

Tears ran down Harry's cheeks, "if I'm not nothing, then why won't Draco come see me. Two weeks I've been in this hell hole, and nothing. Gabe has his own life a couple hours from here, and he still manages to visit. I hate when he comes, I feel like he's screwing with my mind. He's worse than the drugs they pump into my body here."

"Maybe if you told Remus and Sirius how you feel they could get Draco to come."

Harry shook his head, "no. To depend on someone else is a sign of weakness."

"No, Harry, it's a sign of trust. You're showing that person you care about them enough to let them take care of you."

"Draco doesn't care, so why should I?"

Evan looked at Harry. He seemed so lost, like a child that had been separated from his mother at a fair. Evan couldn't just sit there and let Harry continue on the path of no return. Harry was a good kid who didn't deserve what was happening to him.

"I'm sure he does care, Harry. You just have to believe. You have to get better, otherwise you'll never know for sure. You'll waste away, always asking 'what if' questions. You can beat this thing, Harry. You have to."

Harry said nothing, choosing to turn on his side and burrow under his blankets, having long since been untied. He closed his eyes and refused to emerge from his cocoon. Nurses and doctors were in and out all day. When it was time for his meds, Harry merely stuck his arm out from under the blanket and

allowed the nurse to inject him. This shocked the elderly nurse as she was expecting a fight of epic proportions, as had been their routine. She wasn't sure if it was a move of apathy, or if Harry was truly submitting to their rigorous treatments. The nurse turned and walked out of the room, choosing not to think on it too much for the time being.

When Harry found himself in his therapy session later that day the doctor gave him a look. Harry just stared back. He wasn't sure what to expect.

"So, Harry, I heard you willingly received your medication today. Is this a sign you are making progress, or are you just having an off day? I hope you know that we are not keeping you here to torture you, but to help you. Don't you want to get better?"

Harry looked at him for a second, "no."

The doctor hid his shock at hearing Harry's voice, "why not?"

"Because the one person I want to care doesn't. I don't want to get better if he's not going to be in my life."

"Ah. And who, may I ask, is this person? Your boyfriend?"

Harry slowly shook his head, "no. He's not my boyfriend, but I'd like him to be. I haven't known him that long, but I think I love him."

"And does he know that?"

"No. I haven't seen him since my guardians had me admitted. He walked out on me that night because he saw me with another guy; one who claims to be my boyfriend."

"Is he?"

"I don't think so. I remember thinking I broke up with him before moving, but when I went back to visit that night I ran into him. He told me we were never broken up. I wasn't sure if I should believe him. Draco got so mad. He just stormed out of the house. Sam, I think I need him."

Sam nodded, "maybe we should bring him in. It seems like seeing him would speed up your healing. What do you think?"

"He won't come. Otherwise he would have already. He hates me."

"I'm not sure that he does. Maybe he was just confused and hurt that night."

Harry nodded. Sam was right, maybe Draco had just been confused. Harry sat in silent contemplation for the rest of the session. Sam was just glad to have finally gotten Harry to open up, if only a little. He had a feeling they were going to start making some good progress. Harry just had to believe him when he said that they were only trying to help. It seemed to Sam that Harry was losing steam, and wanted nothing more than to be loved and understood. Yes, they would get through this.

The next time Harry saw Sam, there was someone else there. It was Draco, there was no doubt about that. He sat with his back ramrod straight, not meeting Harry's gaze. Harry took the seat opposite Draco and Sam. Biting his lip, Harry tried not to show the hurt that threatened to bubble forth at Draco's lack of eye contact. Sam cleared his throat after he was certain neither of the boys were going to start.

"Harry, I've asked Draco to come today. Maybe it's time you told him some of the things you told me last time you were here?"

Harry opened his mouth to say something, but found he could not form any words. His throat was dry and his hands clammy. Tears burned behind his eyes. Harry hated himself for not being able to say something, anything. Not even his sarcastic side emerged. Draco shifted in his seat, obviously irritated.

"Look, Sam, maybe this was a bad idea. He clearly has nothing to say. I don't know why I bothered wasting my time by coming here today."

Harry's eyes widened at the coldness of Draco's voice, and his tears spilled over, "don't go. Please, Draco, please don't go."

"Why should I stay, Harry?"

"Because I need you," Harry said with a voice thick with emotion.

Draco looked at Harry, "you don't need me. You've never needed anyone as far as I can tell. Why now? You have strength some of us only dream of having. Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I'm not strong. I depend on people way too much. You've made me see that. I know we haven't known each other long, but you made me a better person. I'm nothing without you. Every day I've spent in here without seeing your face, hearing your voice, has made me realize that."

"Harry, you don't need me. This is all in your head. I can just stand by and allow you to depend on me. I'm not strong enough of a person to support two sets of emotions. I can barely handle mine. You don't need me."

Harry's heart broke as Draco stood and walked away from him for a second time. He wasn't sure he could recover this time; he wasn't sure he even wanted to. Draco did not want him. He had made that known. Harry's chest constricted and the blissful darkness consumed him. Sam watched in horror as Harry collapsed in front of him. This did not bode well for Harry's recovery. They were going to have to start from scratch, maybe with a different approach this time.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Draco squinted as the bright sunlight hit his eyes. He was standing in front of Luther's Medical Center. Being so harsh to Harry had torn him apart. Although he knew he had hurt Harry, Draco firmly believed that he had done the right thing. Harry would most likely hate him, but it was for his own good. Draco knew that things would be very different for Harry from now on.

Walking towards his bike, Draco took to an old habit. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket and lit one. Taking a long drag, Draco sighed. There was no way the situation he'd put not only himself, but Harry in as well, would not end in anything less than disaster. With a last pull on his cigarette Draco flicked the butt to the ground as he straddled his bike. Without even bothering to put on a helmet Draco drove off.

After driving around aimlessly for an hour, Draco found himself idling his bike outside of his godfather's house. He ran a nervous hand through his wind-tousled hair. Draco steeled himself for the confrontation of the century. He had no doubts that his godfather would question him mercilessly. Sighing, Draco climbed off of his bike and headed up the walkway. Draco raised his hand to the front door. For a moment his brain would not send the proper signals to his hand to make it move. After a deep breath Draco boldly knocked on the front door before stepping back. Not a minute later did his godfather stand in the doorway before him.

"Draco. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Draco sighed, and so it begins, "I just needed someone to talk to; someone who understands me. Everything is falling apart, Sev."

Severus Snape gestured for his godson to enter, "come in, come in, boy. We do not talk on the front porch like heathens. Now, what, may I ask, is this all about?"

"Harry."

"Ah, I see, Potter. Insolent boy, that one. What is the problem? From what I've heard he has been … receiving treatment for a serious condition for the past few weeks."

Draco nodded, "yeah. I went to see him today, Sev. I-I couldn't just let him think he _needed_ to be dependent on me. I was so harsh, Sev. He'll hate me forever."

Severus looked at Draco for a second, "I don't know why, but it seems you've grown attached to this boy. Maybe, just maybe, you need him as much as he needs you. You've never really had someone in your life, other than I, that has been willing to love you unconditionally. I love Lucius like a brother, but I do not approve of the way he chose to raise you. I think you need this, Draco."

"No, Sev, I don't want him to feel like he has to need me. I don't want him to lose himself. That's not what I want. Which was why I said what I did the way I did. Even if this all ends in him hating me for the rest of his life, it is worth it because I will know that Harry will be his own person."

Severus regarded his godson with a critical eye. He knew Draco far better than the boy knew himself. He could tell that Draco's journey with Harry was far from over. The two boys had too many emotional ties in too short of a time for it to all be over in one instant. No, Severus didn't think it would be easy for either of them, but some things were bound to happen. The gleam in Draco's eyes when he talked about Harry and the distant look on his face when he spoke about Harry hating him. Severus could see what Draco wasn't aware of yet, he was in love, whether he wanted to acknowledge that or not. There was no getting away from that fact. Severus took pity on the disheartened teenager.

"Why don't you stay the night, Draco. I do not think that you would appreciate being alone in a near empty mansion of a house tonight. You know you are always welcome here."

Draco smiled gratefully, "thanks, Sev, I think I will. I still have some clothes here from last time. I'm just going to go upstairs and relax or something. I'll be down for dinner."

Severus nodded. Draco took the stairs two at a time. His room at Severus' house was at the very end of the hall. When Severus had decided to move into town he had set up a room specifically for Draco. Now, Draco was glad his godfather had been so thoughtful. He collapsed onto his bed and turned on the stereo. Draco's Secondhand Serenade CD played softly from the speakers. Burrowing into his soft bed, Draco sang along in his head. Emotionally drained, Draco soon drifted off into a light sleep.

* * *

When Harry awoke it was to the crushing feeling that something was missing, and he knew exactly what that something was; Draco. He looked around, he was still in Sam's office. Sam sat across from him with a book in his lap. Every minute or so Harry would hear the page turn and he soon found himself waiting for it. The act and sounds of Sam reading were immensely soothing and reminded Harry of a time when he was little. He and his parents used to sit and read as a family after dinner instead of watching TV like some families. It was in that moment that Harry felt like he could trust Sam wholeheartedly, there was just something about him. Harry coughed lightly to get the older man's attention.

"Harry, welcome back," Sam placed his book on a nearby table, "I was wondering when you'd wake up. Are you alright? I know this new turn of events must be damaging."

Harry thought on that for a moment, "I'll be fine. I think I know what happened."

"Oh? Would you care to tell me?"

"Um, I know this sounds stupid, but I think Draco is afraid of being needed by someone else. He didn't have a great childhood. Maybe he's afraid of turning into his father, ignoring those he loves if he lets them in too close."

Sam nodded, "a very mature way to think about it."

"Do – do I have to go back to my room now?"

"No," Sam started slowly, "is there something else you'd rather do?"

Harry blushed, "well, I was wondering if I could just sit here and read with you. It's something I used to do with my parents before they died."

Sam took the simple gesture for what it was, a peace offering. Harry wanted to get better. There was no doubt in Sam's mind that Harry was well on his way to being his old self. Yes, things were improving.

"Anything you'd like. I have a bookshelf over in the corner. Go ahead and pick out a book you'd like to read."

"Thanks."

Harry got to his feet and shuffled over to the bookshelf. His fingers trailed over the spines of the books as he searched for one he'd like to read. There were a ton of different genres of books, something for everyone. Harry's eyes lit up when he saw one of his favorite books, The Outsiders. Harry plucked it from the shelf and moved back to the couch and settled in. Together Sam and Harry fell into a comfortable silence. A knock sounded on the door an hour later and Dr. Benson stepped into the room.

"Sam, is Harry still here?"

"Yes, he is. Why? Is there a problem?"

Dr. Benson noticed the smile on Harry's face. It wasn't his usually smirk it was an actual smile. He was completely oblivious to everything around him. Dr. Benson noticed this for what it was.

"No, of course not. He just needs his evening medication. Harry," at being directly addressed Harry looked up, "how about we head back to your room? You'll see Sam tomorrow."

Harry shrugged, "okay. Bye Sam."

"Bye, Harry. Take that with you," Sam told him as he noticed Harry putting the book back on the shelf, "it will give you something to do."

"Thanks."

Sam smiled fondly at Harry and gave a slight nod of his head. He watched as Harry exited the room with the doctor. They were definitely getting somewhere.

Harry entered his room with Dr. Benson in tow. He set the book down on the bedside table and climbed onto his bed. Dr. Benson waited for Harry to get settled before approaching him. Much to the doctor's surprise Harry obediently stuck his arm out. After he'd been administered his medication Harry picked the book back up and continued where he'd left off. Dr. Benson quietly left the room. Evan, who'd been at his own therapy session, caught the tail end of the exchange and smiled to himself. He crawled onto his bed and rolled to his side before allowing himself to sleep. Harry read until the nurses called lights out.

* * *

"Draco? It's time for dinner."

Draco was roused from sleep by Severus knocking on his door, "okay, Sev. I'll be down in a minute."

Draco listened as Severus walked away from his bedroom door. He got to his feet and walked across the hall and into the bathroom. Splashing cold water on his face, Draco tried to wash the sleep from his eyes. After he was satisfied that Severus would not send him back upstairs for looking like a street hoodlum, Draco headed downstairs. When he reached the kitchen Severus was on the phone. At the sound of Draco entering the kitchen Severus turned around.

"Draco, it's for you. Sam."

Draco paled, "uh, thanks, Sev. I'm just going to take this outside."

Draco walked out the backdoor and into the yard.

"Hello?"

"Ah, good, Draco. I know things didn't go so well today, but I wanted to thank you. However strange, the session seemed to help Harry. I think he understands more than you give him credit for. I just have one thing to ask of you. Do not let your fear keep you away. Harry strives to get better for you. He wants to show you that he is not weak. Draco, just because Harry might depend on you sometimes, does not mean that he loses any part of himself. Harry just needs your presence to reassure himself that you will not leave him when things go sour. Just remember that."

All Draco could do was stare at the phone as he heard the dial tone loud and clear.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **here it is as promised! hope you like it!

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****Chapter 13**

Draco walked back into the house with the phone still clutched in his hand. Severus looked at him questioningly, but didn't say anything. Draco didn't have the stomach to eat anything on his plate and settled for pushing the food around. He couldn't help but think about what Sam had said to him. Harry was strong, and he didn't need anyone. He didn't have to get better for anyone except himself. Draco finally couldn't take it anymore and pushed away from the table. He headed back up into his room and laid down on the bed after flipping his stereo on. How long he stayed like that, Draco wasn't sure.

Severus knocked on his door, "Draco?"

"Come on in, Sev."

The door swung open and Severus stepped inside, "what was the conversation with Sam about? Is Harry doing okay?"

Draco shrugged, "Sam said even though things didn't go well, I helped Harry. And that I shouldn't let my fear keep me away. Is he right, Sev? Do I keep people at arm's length?"

"Draco, listen to me, you never really knew love. It is natural for you to be afraid of the feelings you can't yet explain. However, do not let your fears get in the way of what you want. Life is nothing if not scary, the way you live it is where the real _fear_ lies. Make sure you get out there and allow yourself to feel, do not deprive yourself of what you want simply because it is a new experience. I know Cissa and Lucius were not around much, so I do not blame you. Go back; visit Harry again. This is a time for both of you to grow. Don't miss this opportunity."

With that Severus left. Draco remained awake for long into the night thinking about what his godfather had said to him. It seemed to him that everyone else could see something he didn't. Maybe it _was_ time he let himself grow emotionally.

* * *

"Mr. Potter, you're here early. Our session doesn't start for another hour."

"Sorry, am I interrupting something?"

Sam shook his head, "no. No, of course not. Come in. So, tell me, what brings you here?"

"I don't know. I guess I just liked how yesterday's session ended. I, um, I haven't really done that in a while. I guess in a way you remind me of my parents."

"Maybe it's because another adult figure has so readily accepted who you are, and listened to what you had to say. Do you think that's the problem you have at home?"

Harry shrugged, "it's possible. I love Sirius and Remus to death, but I think they just want to fill the shoes of my parents. I need them to be the guys they were before. They changed once my parents were killed."

Sam looked at Harry as if he'd just spilled a very deep, dark secret. Hell, maybe he had. All Harry knew was that he was speaking from his heart. He was tired of being held prisoner within his own mind. He wanted to be free of the barriers he had set up for himself. Only one other thing had brought that out in him; meeting Draco. Harry decided that he _had_ to get better, for himself. It was going to be a long hard journey, but he would make it because he had to. Harry Potter was ready to live again, to move on. He'd still miss having his parents around, but they would always be in his heart. It was finally time he realized that.

"How about bringing them in for a session? I know they visit you as often as they can, but what if we let them know what's going on inside that head of yours, hm? I think maybe it's time they knew."

Harry thought about it for a moment, "yeah. You're right. It's just going to be hard to talk to them."

"Yes, but you are nothing if not strong. I'll make the call, we can have them in here for tomorrow's session."

* * *

Harry took a deep breath as he stood outside Sam's office the next morning. There was no doubt in his mind that Remus and Sirius were just on the other side of the door. Sure, he had wanted to tell his guardians how he felt, but that didn't mean he wasn't nervous as hell. Maybe this was a mistake. Harry wasn't sure if he _could_ tell Remus and Sirius what was running through his mind. Just as he was about to turn around and leave, Sam pulled the door open.

"Harry! Good, I was just about to come and get you. Don't just stand there, dear boy, come in."

Harry's eyes went wide as he hesitated. He gently shook his head and took a tiny step backwards in defeat. He couldn't do it.

Sam stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him, "you _can_ do this, Harry. I know you can. Have faith in yourself. Do not run away from this. If you don't do this now, you never will. If you want to get better the first step is right through that door."

"Sam, I- I don't know. I mean, what if they hate me for what I have to say? I don't think I can live with them looking at me differently because of this."

"Harry, it has to be done. They love you; they will always love you, no matter what. Remus and Sirius are both in it for the long haul. You already know this. The choice is yours, either you come in and talk, or you damn yourself to a lifetime wondering what would have happened if you had just spoken to the two men that love you most."

Harry stared at Sam for a moment. He knew Sam was right. He was gnawing on his bottom lip as he thought about what to do. Did he want to bare his soul to his guardians right now? What would happen once he did? Would they hate him forever? Harry knew some of the things he had to speak to Remus 

and Sirius about were not pretty. Standing there thinking it over made Harry want to bolt. He was well aware of the way he constantly over-analyzed the important things, but he felt this time the worrying was called for. If he entered the room what was said could build up, or tear down his relationship with two very important pillars in his life. Sam watched on as Harry fought his mental battle, and Harry thought the older man's stare was completely unnerving. With one last sigh, Harry came to his conclusion. He reached out and grasped the door knob tightly and gave it a turn. He walked into the one room in his prison that he actually felt safe in, his haven. This would certainly be a long, painful talk between loved ones, Harry just hoped he could survive it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

As Harry stepped into Sam's office he was pulled into the arms of his godfather. Harry didn't hesitate to reciprocate the hug, and, above Harry's head, Sirius smiled. Once released from Sirius' embrace, Harry found himself in another bear hug. Remus held him close and Harry sighed. It felt good to be in the arms of the people who loved him, but he knew they had a lot to talk about. With a small, reminiscent smile, Remus pulled back and settled himself onto the couch next to Sirius. Harry sat on the lone armchair, and Sam took his usual seat. Sam surveyed the people in his office before speaking.

"Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, I have asked you both here today because Harry has some things to say. Harry?"

Harry tried to swallow the lump rising in his throat as Sam gestured to him to begin. His heart pounded in fear, and sweat dotted his forehead. Harry sent a pleading look over to Sam, who merely gave a slight shake of his head and gave him a reassuring smile. Taking a deep, calming breath, Harry looked to Sirius and Remus.

"Um, I guess I want to start by just saying that I love you both very much. I know that these past couple of months have been hard on all of us. I miss my parents so much, but I know they made the right choice by choosing for you guys to be my guardians. I guess I just feel as if something is wrong. You both have changed so much since their deaths. I know you guys are doing your best to raise a teenager when you have no prior experience, but I feel like you guys feel like you have to take their place. What I'm trying to say is, I know there's a lot more responsibility on your shoulders now, but I want things as close to how they used to be as possible. I already have parents, what I need from you, Sirius and Remus, is friendship and a sense of family. I don't want you to feel like you have to become my second set of parents."

Harry brushed away a tear that had slipped from his eye at the end of his speech. He watched the emotion flit across Remus and Sirius' faces. Harry was scared of their reactions. What if they hated him now?

Remus sucked in some air before speaking, "Harry, I'm sorry. I didn't realize how much I was hurting you. I just wanted you to feel like you were loved no matter what. I wanted to do right by Lily and James and protect their son. Maybe I went too far."

"We love you very much, kiddo. Remus and I just wanted to do the best we could. Your parents were our best friends, we didn't think twice about taking in their son. You mean so much to us, with what little knowledge we have at raising a teenager, we tried to replace what you had lost. We know now that was wrong."

Harry smiled slightly at them, "I know you guys are doing your best, but I need you to be who you were before, just with a little more authority. I want the crazy banter in the mornings and the insane trips we used to take. Once my parents died that stopped. I guess it just felt like I was losing everyone I loved because you were so different from the guys I always knew."

Sirius stood, walked over to Harry, and knelt before him, "you will never lose us. Remus and I are here to stay. Through thick and thin. We promise to work on going back to how things used to be, but you have to promise that you'll get better. We miss your scrawny ass around the house. It just isn't the same without you, Harry."

Harry launched himself at Sirius and wrapped his arms tightly around the man's neck as he wept. He cried for his parents, himself, and the other people that were affected by his illness. Yes, he would get better. Harry knew with the help of Sirius and Remus things would be better. Their lives were going to change. Remus joined the two of them at some point, and soon all of them were in tears. Sam smiled from his spot in his chair. This was excellent progress for his favorite patient. He was finally certain that Harry would soon be discharged from Luther's. He cleared his throat lightly and the trio broke apart.

"Harry, I'm so proud of you. This was by far your best session. I have absolutely no doubt you will be out of here soon if you keep this kind of progress up, but I am sorry to say that the hour is up. It's time for Sirius and Remus to leave, and for you to return to your room."

Harry nodded and bid his guardians goodbye. Sam escorted him back to his room. As Harry settled himself onto his bed he pulled out the book Sam had let him borrow. Within moments he was fast asleep without the aid of his sleeping meds for the first time since he was admitted to Luther's.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15:**

The next morning brought a quiet acceptance of what had happened in his therapy session with Sirius and Remus. Harry knew he was on his way to getting better, for good this time. With a little sigh Harry pushed himself out of bed and clambered to the showers down the hall. He didn't find it odd that he didn't pass any nurses or doctors along the way, Harry just figured one of the patients had gotten out of hand. In the shower room Harry stripped off his bed clothes and stepped into the small cubicle. The warm water sluiced over his tired and achy muscles, effectively waking him up. Halfway through shampooing his hair Harry heard a banging on the door. Although it wasn't locked, it was customary for anyone to knock before opening the door.

Harry had just managed to pull a towel around his waist before Dr. Benson walked into the room. One look at Harry and the Doctor's face immediately fell with relief. Harry, not quite knowing what to do just stared at the man. After a minute Dr. Benson nodded at him to finish his shower and walked out. Harry shrugged to himself before removing his towel and going back to his shower. Twenty minutes later he was dressed in loose gray sweat pants and a black t-shirt. Doubling checking he had cleaned up the area, Harry walked out of the shower room and back down the hall to his own room. Evan was now awake and staring at Harry.

"Damn, kid, you had everyone flipping out. No one knew where you were."

Harry shrugged, "I was in the shower. I didn't know it would cause and upset or I would have taken time to let someone know where I was. What was the big deal anyway?"

Evan dragged his hands over his face, "one of the new kids committed suicide last night. He hung himself with his bed sheets. When the doctors and nurses did rounds and couldn't find you they freaked. I guess they thought you'd gone to do the same."

"Oh," Harry didn't know what else to say.

Harry sat on his bed and just stared out into the hallway, wishing he had his sketch book. He was in the mood to draw, a feeling he hadn't experienced in a while. Dr. Benson walked into the room not long into Harry's contemplative silence. He'd had to shake the boy out of it. Harry blinked owlishly at him for a minute before ducking his head.

"Harry, I'm sorry I intruded in on your shower. I'm sure Evan explained what happened?" at Harry's nod the doctor continued, "We were all very upset when we couldn't find you. Next time inform someone as to where you're going, and if no one is around please wait. Okay?"

Harry nodded, "yeah. Sorry, I didn't mean to disappear. I just wanted a shower."

Dr. Benson smiled, "as is reasonable. Okay. You have a session with Sam in a few minutes. Why don't you head on down to his office. I'm sure he's waiting."

Harry didn't respond other than to get up and walk out the door. In a few minutes he was knocking on Sam's door. A second later the door was pulled open and Sam's smiling face greeted Harry. With a flourish of his arms he invited Harry into his office and told him to sit down. With a small shrug, Harry did just that. However, what he saw when he got into the office shocked him.

"Draco?"

Draco nervously ran a hand over his neck. He looked at Harry sheepishly, "Hi, Harry. How are you?"

To Draco it felt like Harry stared at him for an eternity before he threw his small body into Draco's lap. Harry shook with sobs, and Draco just held him while whispering comfortingly in Harry's ear. After several minutes, Harry's shakes and sobs subsided and he pulled back to look Draco in the face. Draco looked back mentally ticking off just how Harry looked. To Draco he seemed to look a hell of a lot better since the first time Draco had been to visit Harry in the facility. Harry had a small, albeit guarded, smile plastered on his face.

"Draco, what are you doing here?"

Draco sighed, "I had a long talk with my god father. He made me realize I have a tendency to run away from feelings I don't understand. Can you forgive me?"

"Forgive you? There's nothing to forgive you for, Draco. I'm just glad you're here. Please don't leave me again."

"Don't worry, Harry. I won't. Now, let's get this started. Sam?"

Harry blinked in shock; he had forgotten that he was supposed to have a therapy session. He climbed off Draco's lap and took his usual seat across from Sam. Harry fidgeted and kept looking over at Draco, as if to reassure himself that the blonde was still there. He missed Sam's smile.

"Okay, Harry. I just wanted to say good job yesterday. You really opened up to Sirius and Remus. I think it went well. You're doing much better. This past week you have shown some definite improvement. Keep it up and you'll be home in no time. However, I did have a plan for today. I didn't know Draco would be stopping by. I am going to continue with my prior plans; I think Draco being here will help more than hinder. Draco, I just ask that you do not interfere. I have my methods."

Draco and Harry nodded their assent before Sam got up and walked out of the office to call someone else into the room. Harry's eyes locked with Gabe's. For some reason, the boy Harry had once been completely in love with made him cringe in fear. Sam set up a chair next to Draco for Gabe to sit in. With stiff movements, Gabe sat down in the offered chair, however, he inched the chair further away from Draco in an obvious manner. Sam, once he felt everyone had settled, started speaking.

"Now, my original plan for today was to see how Gabe and Harry interacted with each other, but with Draco showing up, I've decided to try something different. Harry? I'd like you to tell me what you feel for Gabe. Can you do that?"

Harry nodded, "I loved Gabe once. He was my first everything. I think a part of me still loves him in some way. But he also scares me. I don't know why. I just get a scary vibe from him. Like he doesn't really love me, but he's after something I have."

Gabe growled, "I'm not going to stand for this shit. Harry, when you pull your head out of your ass, call me."

Harry flinched as Gabe stormed out, slamming the door behind him. He gave both Draco and Sam a wide eyed look. Draco looked guarded, and Sam looked displeased. Harry just shrugged. It was no loss to him. Not since he'd found Draco.

"Well, that was fun," Harry grinned.

Both Draco and Sam looked at Harry in shock. They had both expected Harry to have some type of relapse. Harry just shrugged and settled back into his seat.

"Harry, would you like to talk about what just happened?"

Harry shook his head, "nah. I think it's pretty self-explanatory, Sam. I don't really care much. I'm never going to call Gabe. My head is not up my ass. I know where I stand now. I want to get better and go home; for myself, Sirius, Remus, and Draco. Gabe is not in that equation. I'm okay with that."

Sam nodded, "okay, Harry, I trust and believe you. Now, as it is absolutely gorgeous out, why don't I give you and Draco a day pass. You too can hang out and talk," he looked at Draco, "I'm trusting you to bring him back before curfew. Eight o'clock. Got it?"

Draco nodded, "yes sir. Thank you. I will have him back before eight."

Draco stood up and held his hand out to Harry, who rose and took the pass before clasping Draco's hand in his own. The two of them went to Harry's room so he could change into jeans and then went to find Dr. Benson. Harry felt guilty about having scared the man earlier, he didn't really want to do it again. Dr. Benson was at the nurse's station discussing something with the head nurse. He looked up when he heard Harry and Draco approach.

"Ah, Harry. I trust you are doing well?"

Harry nodded, "yes, sir. I just wanted to tell you that Sam gave me a day pass. Is it okay if I leave with Draco? We promise to be back before curfew."

Dr. Benson looked at Harry's eager expression and nodded, "but first I'd like you to take your meds. Think you can do that?"

Harry nodded, but Draco spoke, "sir? Can you just make sure you don't give him anything that will make him drowsy? I have a motorcycle, not a car. I wouldn't want Harry falling off the back of the bike while I'm driving."

Dr. Benson chuckled, "of course. Harry come over here. I trust you'll take your meds in pill form now?"

"Yes, sir. No more injections, please. I've got so many bruises from them."

"Okay, Harry. But any signs of defiance and you'll be back to injections. Now, here, take these, I'll give you the others when you get back."

After Harry had obediently swallowed the medication and a critical inspection by Dr. Benson, Harry and Draco were walking out the doors to the facility and into the sunshine. Draco glanced at his watch, it was only three o'clock, and they had about four hours before he would bring Harry back. Now all he had to figure out was where were they going to go.


End file.
